"Extinguished by my mother's decree" occurred to me. Or, for a touch of exalted humor, "Extinguished by mater's decree." Though short-footed, either would work fine as a last line. Anyway, I think the poem is well done and I like it. What I wanted at the end I think is a word that snapped a revelation into my mind. In truth though, I think familarity could grow on me. It's already begun doing so.
I was amused and pleased by your tossing in a nod to the superseded style, obviously done as a devil-may-care touch, with whimsical abandon.
David, thx for this pleasing introduction.
I would publish your poem, Dan, were I an editor and you submitted it to me.
Behold, she dangles, helpless in the sky,
Affrighted by the curving earth below:
It beckons so seductively, as though
’Twould be a blessing if she were to fly
"Extinguished by my mother's decree" occurred to me. Or, for a touch of exalted humor, "Extinguished by mater's decree." Though short-footed, either would work fine as a last line. Anyway, I think the poem is well done and I like it. What I wanted at the end I think is a word that snapped a revelation into my mind. In truth though, I think familarity could grow on me. It's already begun doing so.
I was amused and pleased by your tossing in a nod to the superseded style, obviously done as a devil-may-care touch, with whimsical abandon.
David, thx for this pleasing introduction.
I would publish your poem, Dan, were I an editor and you submitted it to me.
Actually it was the last line I liked best. And which made me sit up and take the poem seriously.
That's what I always look out for: the ability to weave magic spells with words. That last line had it. And won my final - albeit grudging - approval.